10 things you weren’t prepared for after having a baby

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1. Before you had a baby you used to sit in judgement with lots of head shaking and tsking when you heard a baby screaming. Now you can sit with a screaming child next to your ear and even start blocking it out completely.

2. You no longer need to actively diet. Time to eat in general is long gone. You’ll be lucky to remember what you last ate or even if you’ve skipped a meal. 

3. You thought your partner was a hog of the TV remote. He was an amateur. Now you can’t even find it. Baby has managed to magically transport it into the washing machine.

4. Nights out nowadays involve sharing photos of your baby regardless of whether you have a captive audience. Granny pants is a must and you’ll be yawning by 10pm.

5. A sudden realisation you had a missed calling and should have been a professional wrestler or maybe a rugby player? Have you ever tried to change a nappy on a 9 month old?

6. Your beautifully pre-baby, interior decorated, magazine worthy looking home is long gone. You consider it a good day when you can find a clean mug. And by clean you mean, not mouldy.

7. Nowadays 7pm is the target goal of every single day. A new cherished, sacred time known as bedtime. Normally involving a glass of wine as a reward.

8. You always thought baby talk was for losers. Now you catch yourself doing it in public places on a regular basis. “Hewwwoo, peek a boo!” or more commonly “Have you done a poopy-woopy in your nappywappy?” Without expecting an answer or even caring who hears or sees you.

9. Extreme smugness when using the child parking bays at the supermarket. And standing in judgement of all who use them without children. (Blood boils!)

10. Leaving the house becomes a full-blown military operation. Nappies, check. Milk, check. Snacks, check. Spare clothes, creams, toys, pushchair, the list is endless. You’ve gone on week-long holidays with less stuff.

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