As my baby boy turned one this week I can’t help but be reflective on how the past 12 months have so drastically changed my life.
For the nine months I was pregnant, I always knew there were changes coming. I had a constant feeling of never being alone, and endless planning on what I wanted to do when our baby was here. In reality though I really didn’t have a clue what life was going to be like day-to-day, after he was born.
Of course there are things I miss pre-baby, I am only human and I don’t profess to be perfect. Waiting until I was thirty-one years old before starting my family meant I had many years of living life selfishly and was used to certain freedoms. Going on holiday whenever I wanted, random late night drives, adventures and nights out with friends (or more, the days to yourself to recover afterwards).
What I have found however is the immense, passionate, amount of love for another human being I never thought could exist. This little boy came crashing into my life with no instruction book and we’ve had to learn together. It hasn’t been easy and at times I’ve cried myself stupid wondering how I will cope for the next eighteen or more years, whilst feeling so clueless at what and how to do the best for him.
Now a year has passed I can look back and finally gain a little perspective. What is in front of me is a fantastic little boy who is courageous, loves to play and is eager to learn. I may not be the perfect baby magazine mum who breastfed, purees and blends pure organic baby food, has every expensive baby toy and gadget to hand, all whilst humming lullabies and attending every baby group going. I still feel clueless but it’s becoming a good feeling of clueless. We are a family, and however confused we may feel, distraught, exhausted or insecure, we have the smiles, the laughs and the new experiences; they can’t be replaced or replicated by anything.
The next twelve months? Oh, yeah I’m absolutely bricking those. This little boy isn’t a baby anymore. He’s a climbing, jumping, screaming and now, full of tantrums, toddler… HELP!