An apology to my nearest and dearest – What I really want for Christmas

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While this is not me getting on my soapbox and saying Christmas has become too commercialised and Mr and Mrs Fancy Pants really shouldn’t be buying their child/wife/second-cousin-removed fifty presents or spending money in such a vulgar manner. It’s not my place to say how you treat one and another or does it matter to me whether one gift is appropriate or ten. People and families have their own way of doing things and I have mine.

Things got a little jaded for me though. In the past few years I’ve been so spoilt from my family who say they love nothing more than treating me to nice things, which is amazing. I couldn’t feel luckier to have such a loving family around me, but I think I started to lose sight of what was actually special to me. That magical feeling we had about Christmas as a child. Why can’t it exist now? It can, the only thing that changed that, is me.

Every year my closet family would come to me and say “What do you really want for Christmas?” “Send me a list and wait and see” and each year I would, and each year they wouldn’t disappoint. I would get my hearts desires. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t asking for ridiculously priced jewellery, or cashmere socks that I’d never wear, but the magic of getting a gift and the mystery of not knowing what was inside it, was essentially, now gone.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t really want something and not ask for it. But this year is the first year in a long time that I haven’t made a list. When family members have asked me “What do you want for Christmas?” I’ve avoided the question or said “I’m looking forward to a Christmas surprise”.

I hope they haven’t cursed me too much or that I’ve now become that dreaded relative that doesn’t give up a single clue about what they want. When you end up having to spend two hours walking aimlessly round a shop saying “Shall I buy this one? No, maybe this one? Will they even like that?” After all gift receipts do exist for a reason.

But I can say, I think for the first time in a long, long time. I don’t know what I’m getting for Christmas and I LOVE IT. I am excited to spend Christmas Day seeing my family and watching my little one year old causing havoc with the Christmas tree. I will be baking more gingerbread men as our first batch has been disappearing at an alarming rate, and I will be preparing my first Christmas Eve supper for the family to get together and enjoy a pre-Christmas warm up feast, Christmas eve mass at church and getting ready for the main day.

What is really special to me? That air you feel when you wake up on Christmas Day, the amazing food and even a surprise (no matter what) under the Christmas tree and above all, who I get to share it with.

Happy Christmas to you all.

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